I hate this feeling. The feeling as if you're trapped and you have nothing to do but suffocate. What's the purpose? How is this helping me? How is this making me stronger? It's not. It's tearing me down. 

I'm sorry for not making an introduction to this blog, but I will at a later time. I just really need to get my thoughts and feelings out.

I hate everything about it. You think I'd be used to it. I've only had it for 6 years. I start to feel like I'm gaining my old self back and then, bam, it's darkness again. I've noticed a tighten feeling in my arms and hands. This has never happened to me before and I don't understand it. 

I'm just sick of dealing with everything. Nothing ever makes me happy. I wish something could. I try so hard. So fucking hard. It never works. They say it gets better, but I've been waiting for that to happen for 6 years. 

It just needs to stop. I just hate the feeling of not looking forward to anything. I just want to be happy. Even just for a week, shit even for a day, an hour. Maybe it'll happen. I guess I just have to keep living in order for it to happen. 

Until Next Time,


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Comments (3)

  1. bluevader

    I’ve been there and I know exactly what you mean. I survived it though, and these days I live in real peace and happiness. Yes, you have to keep living, in order to survive it. I nearly didn’t on quite a few occasions. But I developed strategies, most were very simple things, and they made just enough of a shadow of a whisper of a difference to me that I was eventually able to come through it. I know you can do it, too. God bless you.

    June 18, 2015
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    2. dreamingindepression

      Thank you for this. I’m glad you made it through. Hopefully I can as well. Thanks again.

      June 25, 2015
  2. This comment has been deleted