Do you ever just sit and sulk about yourself? I was talking to an old friend and her previous relationship was not a good one for me. I know it wasn't/isn't my relationship but her boyfriend or whatever they were/are would always make comments to me. He was very rude. Making comments on how I'm not attractive, making digs at my weight and just plan making fun of me.
I never did anything to him, which made me question why he would do all of these things? What did I do to deserve this? Was I really unattractive? Was I really fat? No. I'm attractive and am not fat. I had to keep telling myself that. I still have to. Since talking to her it brought up those memories and has me feeling upset.
Granted I was never good with self confidence but I thought I was getting better at it. But then this hit me. But why should I care about what he said? He has nothing to do with me or my life so why should I make him or his thoughts and words part of me? I shouldn't. I should laugh it off. But sometimes I can't. Does anybody else ever go through this?
This is the second male that has done this to me in my life. The other one was a friend's brother. He would always say I was ugly and fat when I was in middle school and probably high school. Granted I know I'm not skinny, I know I'm not fat. I hate that everyone thinks they have to be stick skinny to be beautiful.
Also I know what many people would say and I do agree with it. It is them that have the self confidence issues. They have to say things to others to make themselves feel better. Why? I don't necessarily like the way my body looks but I don't go saying that others are fat or ugly. I don't understand the people that do this. It's wrong and hurtful.
I thought maybe writing this all down would help but who knows. It'll probably be on my mind all night. I try to get it out but then comes in the depression that tells me I'm not good enough. I know I am good enough but sometimes I just get into these slumps. I need to stop.
I know I asked this above but again, what do you do to get out of these slumps? I know I could say positive things but it's like someone could say 100 positive things to me and then that one negative thing will bring me down because of the damn depression. I just need to ignore it and know that I am better because I truly am better than that. I can do this! :)
Until Next Time,